Responding to "The Question"

There has been much discussion about the role of women in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Especially with respect to women and the priesthood. I have pondered, studied, and discussed this complicated topic for at least the past 4 years with numerous friends and acquaintances.

However, recently. I got hit with the question from someone who doesn't know the history, the movement, the excommunications, the buzz words. I am a primary teacher in my local congregation. I teach the 8-9 year olds each week about the scriptures for about 45 minutes with my husband. I also teach the 8-11 year old girls twice a month in an activity based enrichment program (Activity Days).

A few weeks ago, the lesson topic was the restoration of the priesthood. So we talked about the Aaronic and Melchizedek priesthoods and when Joseph Smith received them and by whom.



Then one 8-year old girl asked innocently and in an open-minded way, "why don't girls have the priesthood?" And I immediately thought, "How-stupid-am-I-for-not-thinking-someone-would-ask-this-and-prepared-a-better-answer!!" I don't have kids. I don't know how to answer this question. There is so much, but this isn't a deep philosophical debate - this is "I'm a girl, I know the priesthood is important, why don't girls have the priesthood, too, if it's so important?" It's not an opportunity to be putting baggage on her and explaining injustices.

So, how did I answer? I answered to the best of my ability at the time. I explained that men and women are given different roles, and right now, women don't need to be ordained to the priesthood in order to exercise the priesthood. I explained that even though I don't hold an office in the priesthood, I was called to be a primary teacher through the priesthood and I exercise the priesthood each week when I study, prepare, and teach my primary lesson.

She (and the class) seemed satisfied, and she said, "oh okay." And we moved on and played whatever game we had planned to end the lesson.

I still wonder if I said the right thing. I don't know what I would say differently today. Although I believe there are inherent issues that come with a male priesthood leading a global church with 15 million members and more than 50% being women, I feel confident that I understand my purpose in life, and I continue to try to be an influence for good however I can. Currently, that is exposing the primary girls I work with to many different experiences including engineering activities, world religion exploration, social emotional learning, and career opportunities.

I don't remember any of my Achievement Days (similar program) leaders nor any of the activities that we did. But I hope that as we explore a variety of opportunities, the girls will know that it's okay to be interested in math and science, try new things, and want to develop a career and life that fulfills them.

Festival of Lights

I luckily have a week off between Christmas Eve and and New Year's. I went to DC to visit. I was able to make it to the DC LDS Temple to see the Festival of Lights. They also have a pretty cool creche exhibit with nativity scenes from all over the world. 

A kooky creche from Spain

Nick and I checking out the lights

The temple in the background

Mini Road Trip

I drove down to Indianapolis yesterday to attend the temple open house. It's about a 3 hour drive from my house. I hadn't been to a temple open house since I attended the Detroit temple open house in 1999. 

I am very impressed with the Indianapolis temple. So beautiful! So much personality. It's a small temple, but it felt very spacious. The cherry wood is gorgeous and the high ceilings. I love all of the specific symbols related to Indiana and the city. I just may have to return some time.

If you get a chance to go before August 8, I highly recommend it!

The Home Teacher

Part of LDS life is having people visit or check up on you on a monthly basis. They are called home teachers or visiting teachers. I'm going to focus on home teaching. In YSA congregations, home teaching is kind of strange because the purpose is to check up on families, but since everyone is single, it can be a little weird sometimes. I've had great home teachers who are still my friends to this day. And I've requested that other home teachers be changed because I just felt plain uncomfortable.

A few years ago I was assigned a home teacher whom I already didn't care for very much. I've found this individual just a little bit out of touch with social norms and reality in general. This guy is very kind and means well, but is just not someone I really ever want to talk with.

Once this individual was assigned to be my home teacher, I was not really prepared for the quirkiness in store. He sent me an inspirational quote via text:

"To love a person is to learn the song in their heart, and sing it to them... when they have forgotten."

I already knew that he sent daily inspirational quotes to another friend of mine. And I thought, oh great, this is going to annoy me and put me in a bad mood on a daily basis. (I understand that maybe some people would appreciate daily inspirational quotes texted to them. I am not that person.) But then he didn't send me another inspirational text. ... for a few days.

Being the crotchety person that I am, upon receipt of the second inspirational quote text message, I texted him back "unsubscribe." Within the hour he texted me back that I had "successfully unsubscribed." He probably thinks I'm the crazy person, which I can live with. (maybe it is me that's crazy)

When I saw this, it truly spoke to me.

Why I run out of church after third hour:


Just Say Amen Already: http://amenalready.tumblr.com/post/39716698816/why-i-run-out-of-church-after-third-hour

The Greatest Lake

I'm a big Great Lakes fan. Probably because I grew up in Michigan. I recently taught some Chicagoland friends the mnemonic device to remember all of the lakes (H.O.M.E.S - Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, Superior). All of the Michigan specific information in the 4th grade is still paying off!

One of the greatest assets to Chicago is being on Lake Michigan. Granted, I don't think I went swimming in the lake once this year, but I've visited on many occasions, played a lot of beach volleyball, and just enjoyed being at the lake. I love that it is so close. Growing up in Michigan, I was never more than 5 minutes away from a lake, so I definitely enjoy freshwater a bit more than the salty ocean.

Between sessions of my church's General Conference, we took a walk to Lake Michigan. We tossed the frisbee around for a bit and just enjoyed being at the lake. It's definitely great to have it so close.

If only everyone could understand the beauty of a nice October afternoon at Lake Michigan.

What it means to be happy

I've been pretty down lately. And I don't really have a good reason as to why. I have a good life. A good job. Good friends. I'm not really lacking. And at the same time, I sometimes feel like my life isn't turning out how I imagined or planned.

And then I read this article.

"It is one of the great ironies of our age that we are blessed with so much and yet we can be so unhappy. The wonders of prosperity and technology overwhelm us and shower us with security, entertainment, instant gratification, and convenience. And yet all around us we see so much unhappiness."

"How many people do you know who are truly happy? Can you say the same for yourself?"

"The pioneers, those wonderful souls who sacrificed so much, went without and hungered for even the most basic of necessities to survive. The pioneers understood something about happiness. They understood that happiness doesn’t come as a result of luck or accident. It most certainly doesn’t come from having all of our wishes come true. Happiness doesn’t come from external circumstance.  It comes from the inside—regardless of what is happening around us."

So I'm trying to figure out what that inside happiness is really all about...

Lack of Social Skills

I often wonder why there isn't more dating happening among YSAs in the DC area. I know there are numerous reasons. And it is difficult to pinpoint one issue or one solution. Humans are much more complex than that, I know. But we all analyze. And generalize. I gotta pass the time somehow.

Recently, I was gchatting with a friend and decided that the lack of dating was due to Stake Dances. 

Stake Dances are actually probably a good way to learn to socialize and ask a girl to dance. But it was amusing in the moment to blame all YSA problems on Stake Dances. 

Because after interacting with mid-to-late twenty-somethings, you really start to wonder.

For example, I created a registration page for a huge ward event. One of the questions was "Is there anything else we should know?" This was purposefully a general questions because I can't anticipate all needs and want you to tell me if you have a separate issue. 

Some of the expected quality responses centered around scheduling or medical issues. An example of an informative response was regarding an individual's need to store his insulin in the refrigerator. I never would have known to ask that. And now I can prepare for it.

Some of the ridiculous responses (all offered by "men"):

"Ms. Lippy's car is green"

I don't care. And this is not relevant to anything. And I have no idea who Ms. Lippy is.


"Global Warming"

Wow. Thanks. I'll keep that in mind.

"The gospel has been restored"

Already knew that one.

"Do you know that you can tell the temperature by counting the number of chirps a cricket makes in a 14 seconds period and adding 40 for the temperature in Fahrenheit?"

Ummmm..... This isn't even slightly funny. Stake dances, it's all your fault!

Lighting Life Up

This week, the women's group in my church (Relief Society) decided that we wanted to get together to release lanterns one night. The purpose was just a short get together to do something that we probably hadn't ever done before that would be pretty cool. 

Our inspiration was this:

Lantern Scene from Tangled

We only had about 10 people, so it wasn't quite like this, but it was a really fun experience. I'm definitely glad I went.

Lighting the lanterns

Waiting for mine to heat up

The release of a few at once

Life is good. Sending off lanterns was a really fun activity. 

It was pretty funny when we were walking over to a school playground (less houses and trees to worry about), a boy on his bike asked us "what's going on?" and one of the girls answered "nothing much." He then went on to the next group that was a few feet behind and said, I mean it looks like you are going to do something cool! We never gave him an answer and he left, but it was pretty funny. You don't see a group of women walking over to an elementary school playground without something cool going on. That's just a fact.

Career Woman

Growing up with a mom that always worked outside the home and continued to ask me on a regular basis what I wanted to be when I grew up, I never thought about being a stay-at-home mom. In fact, I didn't even know you could want to be a stay at home mom until the 10^th grade when a teacher asked what we hoped to be when we grew up (I said orthodontist) and a girl in my class (not LDS) responded “a mother.” Until that day, the thought had never crossed my mind. Who would have thought that Primary and 4 years of Young Women classes and I didn't even know you could want to be a stay at home mom? Clearly someone failed.

Even after learning that I could desire to be a stay at home mom, it never really appealed to me. Granted, I like kids, and want them, but I have always considered myself an intellectual and wanted to contribute to society in some way in addition to raising my children to be good citizens.

And this is why being a young single woman in the church can just drive you crazy at times. When I was 19, I walked out of Sacrament Meeting when the High Council Speaker said that if we weren't dating, we were sinning and that we had to focus on our divine roles as mothers and fathers. It annoyed me immensely, and even offended me because at 19 I had no desire to be a mother, yet. I wanted to learn, explore various academic disciplines, travel, etc.

Fast-forward a few years to now, and I no longer get offended by the off-hand comments people make about being mothers and aspiring to be mothers. I know that their comments aren't meant to offend me, but I still seek to change LDS culture in assuming that every young single woman desires to be a mother and is only pursuing a career because she hasn't gotten married yet. So that’s what I’d like to do now.

While many young single women in LDS culture yearn to be mothers, it does not mean that everyone does. Why can’t we focus on supporting smart, capable, driven women to seek after positions in academia, corporate America, government, or other sectors of the work force, and aid them in balancing their families and their desires to develop their career and intellectual pursuits?

I am sick of women seeking all the education they can only insofar as the off chance that they may not marry, their husband dies, or they divorce. That is so short-sighted. I would venture that many women in the church have had to work professionally at some point during their lives. Women are outperforming men on all degree levels and in most disciplines. With the flexibility in the workforce, there are many more options for women to pursue a career while supporting and nurturing a family. Why is this still not seen as viable, laudable, and desirable for women?

I was speaking with a group of smart, 20-something women and one of them stated that she was the ward employment specialist, but she really liked setting people in the ward up on dates and did that “in conjunction” with her calling. I was completely baffled at the connection until another woman in the group said, “Well, since all women want to be homemakers, that really was their desired career projection you are effectively magnifying your calling.” I just rolled my eyes and swallowed the vomit that had surfaced.

Additionally, a friend of mine texted me about her stake president’s wife who titled her stake conference talk “Families can be together forever, but first you have to get married” and focused on how we’re limiting the number of children we can have because we’re too focused on careers and we’re putting off marriage.

To these women, I say, please stop generalizing your own experience with the common human experience. Just because someone gets married at 20 and has 7 children does not mean that that formula is right for everyone.

I desire to have a family, but my family will look different than your family. I find the pursuit of a career immensely rewarding personally and immensely beneficial for a well-adjusted “successful” family. I am grateful that my mother has two master’s degrees and has taught me that the pursuit of education was important. Not just in case something happened to my husband, but important for me to find personal satisfaction and to seek after the potential that I have.

I would like to state that if it is your desire to be a mother and stay at home and raise your children, I see nothing wrong with that. I would just like to state that that path is not my personal primary desire.

I want to be a role model for women who can balance career and family but I want to be clear that I am not saying that there aren't women who are role models who are stay at home mothers. There are many. However, if you can provide any valuable insight on balancing career and family in the LDS culture, that’s the talk in stake conference or in a Relief Society Meeting that I would like to hear.